Weather Toolbar - 7 Day Weather Forecast - Weather Taskbar

This morning we were told, on the BBC Today weather forecast, that temperatures would "climb UP". We are frequently informed that rain will be "following ON BEHIND", and recently that mist would affect the "coastLINE".

It appears that it is impossible for these forecasters to utter the word "towards" without prefacing it with "AS WE HEAD" or to speak about rain simply moving; it must always "move ITS WAY". We are also often told that a particular type of weather will be "ON OFFER" - as if we could refuse it.

So I'd like to offer a translation service for listeners and TV viewers assaulted by this drivel, starting with the following typical example drawing on the verbal diarrhoea that passes for modern weather forecasts:

ORIGINAL

Well, good morning there,

Well, it looks as though many of you are in for a little bit of fog and mistiness as you head to work this morning.

Following on behind there will be a lot of rain during the afternoon this afternoon. But then we shall see some splishy, sploshy bits of rain moving its way in with clearer spells towards the evening time with a fantastic finish to the day.

Over a period of time the showers will be plentiful in number and heavy in nature as they move their way in from the west. And if you are heading towards the midlands there are likely to be some colder temperatures. Elsewhere we shall see it getting warmer temperaturewise and, as I said before, the weather conditions will become clearer later in the day.

In the morning time, if you are out and about, there will be some strong gusts of wind, so watch out if you are driving on the motorways. However at this precise moment in time it is impossible to say whether they will be accompanied by less showers.

Hopefully tomorrow, in an ongoing situation, will actually bring a basically much better day for you all. In the meantime don’t forget those brollies as you head out today.

TRANSLATION

Good morning,

Early fog will be followed by afternoon rain, which could be widespread and heavy. The day will end clear and fine. The midlands will be cool. Strong gusts, perhaps with showers, may affect motorway drivers. Tomorrow’s forecast will again be in plain English!