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In the quake of the earthquake the Great British public have been quick to share their impressions of this unusual event on various newsites and forums around the web. Perhaps predictably the nation has briefly underweant a state of collective panic, with many postings explaining the terror of the tremors. Possibly equally predictably this fear was most keenly felt amongst Grauniad readers. Thankfully amongst the hysteria, a few realists remain. Here is the pick of them:

NickBannister keeps things in perspective:

Some jiffy bags were dislodged from some high shelving in our office. I can only thank God that no one was standing underneath at the time.

AdamTut lives up to the stereotype that things are bigger and better in the US of A:

I lived in California for some years and got quite used to earthquakes, until I was in the Loma Prieta earthquake in 1989 and felt what a really big quake was like.

TheBournvilleBrewer keeps calm in a crisis:

Nope. Didn't feel a thing. Slept like a baby all night. Nothing disturbs the calm of night-time Birmingham.

A healthy dose of irony, I suspect.
Except maybe knife fights, ASBO breakers and race wars, Bourneville?

MrPeeps, is good to go, in Birmingham maybe:

Shaken awake from a deep sleep and jumped out of bed running around naked, adrenalin pumping, shouting "come on then.. have some of this"

Pubbore with a fair point, well made:

I can't believe the people who thought it was terrorism. How sad must it be to live in such a state of paranoia that it would even cross your mind that Al Qaeda have targetted your featureless home counties terrace.

Rass08:

We should start a disaster relief fund! People have lost cups and bookcases for Gods sake! Where do I give?

7Barrels quickly gets to the point of the story:

Small Earthquake hits UK. Not much damage. Please send in your stories of how this hasn't affected you very much at all.

A 5.3-magnitude earthquake is pretty minor in the grand scheme of things and the mass terror can only be attributed to the fact that earthquakes and natural disasters are so unusual in Britain. So what would happen if we were hit with a major weather or natural disaster? Chaos I suspect. Countries who experience these things a little more regularly naturally tend to be more practical in terms of both the physical and emotional reactions to such events. They keep their heads screwed on when all about them are losing theirs to paraphrase Kipling. Iceland springs to mind, a country which Mid Atlantic ridge, a tectonic plate which is continually shifting, grinding and generally contributing to a number of natures more destructive events.

To get some idea of how daily life can function in such an environment a quick look at the telephone directory is insightful, specifically the only bit in English – “Instructions for the general public regarding natural disasters in Iceland”

Now this is brilliant; with all due sympathy to those in England who suffered extensive bookcase damge, you can’t help thinking that we have done with something a bit like this to be better prepared. There are general instructions about evacuating etc and you don’t evacuate to anything as innocuous as a “Muster Point” or even “Community Centre”; in Iceland if you have to leave your home in an emergency you head straight for the nearest “Mass Casualty Centre”.

There is no substitute for telling it like it is.

You are given strict instructions as to the procedures to follow if there is say, a volcanic eruption, a disaster which is actually dealt with specifically. Interestingly enough you must “take measure to ensure that food will not be spoiled.” Talk about remaining calm under pressure.

Earthquakes are particularly thoroughly covered:

“It is good to memorize the words DUCK, COVER, HOLD to remember how to react in the event of an earthquake.”

A helpful graphic depicts “Ducking in the corner of a supporting wall, covering the head and holding on, if possible.” If possible? My point exactly.

The instructions are signed off in bold capitals:

ALWAYS BELIEVE THAT YOU WILL BE RESCUED. THAT WILL INCREASE THE POSSIBILITY OF BEING FOUND ALIVE.

Indeed. Another example of that straight talking, no beating round the bush, telling it like it is vibe again.

Coming from a country where a power cut is considered a disaster it’s difficult to imagine checking the fridge during an earthquake, so it is easy to picture a scenario of general chaos. But bear in mind that a massive eruption in 1973 nearly wiped out Heimay in the Westmann Islands. The eruption commenced at 2am on 23 January and lasted for five months spilling more than 30 million tonnes of lava over the town, destroying 360 houses and creating a brand new mountain. A third of the town was buried beneath lava flow, and the island increased in the size by 2.5 sq km.And the residents? All 5000 inhabitants were successfully evacuated to the mainland.

Clearly they’d been reading the phone book, which worryingly for the wet foreigners who might be holidaying there, devotes four pages to the Instructions for Natural Disasters in Icelandic, rather than the mere two in English.